That Mean Stripey Dress
Pigs and Charcoal
May 17, 2017
What happens when you cross the Rubicon
July 2, 2017
GUEST BLOGGER: My PA, Carolyn Fox
A few months ago, I snuck into Target and wandered around and bought a couple of frocks (okay, for the purpose of this story a ‘couple’ means three … what can I say, they were on sale!).
The interesting thing for me was that previously I would probably never have brought these particular three dresses, probably wouldn’t have even tried them on – because of the number on the tag. I tried them on and they fitted me. One was size XL and the other two were size 18’s.
Previously I would never have bought an 18 because that would “mean” that I was fat and that would be so shameful to buy a size 18. It would “mean” that I was a failure and if I couldn’t fit into a size 16 then it would “mean” that dress was going to stay there. See I was really teaching that dress a lesson! If you’re not the right number, I will not buy you.
But not on this particular day. Those dresses with those NUMBERS came home with me. And I was totally cool about it! It didn’t “mean” anything.
Anyway, a day or so later I saw Kate and I was wearing my new stripy dress and she said “I LOVE that dress!” and I said “I KNOW!! It was $19 at Target!” (coz hey, everyone loves a bargain!).
I wore it to Kate’s house for work one day (yes – work does look like wearing heels and leaning against a pole for an impromptu wear heels photo shoot).
Anyway, months go by. Kate sends me a message with a picture of her in the same striped dress saying “I got this dress but now I’m thinking that you have one too? I got it from Target. It was $10!! Bargain!”.
So what did I make this MEAN?
~ Kate got a better bargain than me. Damn her!
~ Kate and I have similar tastes.
What would I have previously made this MEAN:
~ Kate got the same dress as me and it was at least XYZ size smaller than my dress. I can never wear that dress again because I’m fat and it will look better on her.
~ I bet Kate secretly has personal trainer or eats only activated almonds and green smoothies and that is why she is XYZ sizes smaller than me.
~ I have to hide out and not put myself out there. I’m disgusting.
~ Kate must be a better cook than me that’s why she is XYZ dress sizes smaller than me.
~ I put such shit into my body. Just two days ago I ate that whole chocolate brownie with chocolate sauce and ice cream. I’m such an embarrassment. I bet this means my kids will be fat too coz I cant control what food I eat – how can I teach them what a healthy eater looks like?
So YAH for not being in THAT shitty head space anymore.
For so long I have let numbers mean something to me and all that has done has withheld me from doing stuff that makes me happy (like not wearing a pretty dress, judging what people are wearing, imaging that people are judging what I’m wearing, and so on).
Foxy x
4 Comments
Thank you for sharing this. I too have been through this exact process! I didn’t want to buy size 18, because what would that mean about me? Lately I have been more accepting about my body (with professional help!) and now just want to buy clothes that fit me properly, because that’s way more comfortable than trying to squeeze into something that’s too small for me.
Yes! Buying clothes that make you feel comfortable is the best confidence booster. As for those numbers – cut the tags off xx
You both look awesome!! Been there, done that!!! I struggle with horizontal stripes as they are “unflattering” AKA make me look fat…… am loving my new stripey tshirt but sadly no bargain. Love your work girls.
Everyone is awesome in stripes Angela!